Panic Attacks: Do You Give Too Much

Panic attacks in and of themselves are powerful agents for eroding confidence. Suddenly, you feel unable to do all sorts of things you used to do, all sorts of things “normal” people do. On top of that, you feel as though you’ve lost control of your own body, something so basic to your sense of self that you probably never even gave it a second thought before the attacks hit.

Panic sufferers often describe themselves as “people-pleasers” who find it extremely painful to risk others’ dislike or disapproval. They may agree to others’ requests, suppress their own opinions, and put the needs of others before their own – sometimes to the point that they almost lose touch with their own wishes and feelings. As one woman put it, “I’ll turn myself inside out for you if it will get you to say just one nice thing about me.”

There are many reasons why people find it difficult to assert themselves. One important reason relates to fears of loss: you may feel you’ll put a relationship at risk if you assert yourself too forcefully. Or you may lack the confidence and self-esteem to express your own wishes, perhaps seeing them as unimportant.

Maybe you’re so tender-hearted that you can’t bear to refuse anyone anything. Or you may have become so accustomed to the role of “giver” in your family of origin that it scarcely occurs to you to refuse.